So before I went to bed yesterday, I told myself that I had not written in my journal. And I did! Oh man, I did! And I was thrilled! Except when I had a conversation with myself before bed, I couldn't help but think about the voice in my head that told me even attempting to journal was useless.

Then, I realized I knew who it was, and I needed to name him. 

That voice was Rey.

That's his name. Rey was one of my absolute best friends in the world until our relationship went sour a few years back, and as I sit down to think of the voices in my life who set up Looney Tunes style roadblocks in the way of my success, I think of Rey. Rey is, when you have an idea, the type to shoot it down before the thought has the chance to take flight. 

Picture your idea as a cute baby bird pecking its beautiful little beak to break out of the shell and then PUSH! We fling that baby out the nest and onto the ground. Learn to fly before your wings form! Bye bye, birdie! 

And that’s what it feels like to talk to Rey when you have an idea!

I name this voice because I can address him better by name, rather than prettending this is an abstract thought. He is a real person who I have to confront, in my mind.

Rey will tell you it's foolish before the thought is fully formed. The thought of "you won't ever reach your goal, so why even try?" So, we are going to flip this on it's head. Hey, it is foolish, so we are going to try it. 

Because unless Rey has an alternative, then they aren't invested in the success of #MovingForward, and you have to be mindful of voices who find comfort in not growing. 

So, let's think about one voice in our head who tells us not to try, and let's name them. I'll give 5 minutes to think of your voice.  Try it out! Grab a pen and paper and let's give this voice a name, so we can address them properly. Name the voice, past or present, that would deny any idea without offering any input on how to move forward. If this voice comes easy to you, think about what they say or do to put roadblocks and obstacles up, so you never advance towards a solution. 

Now, remember, and this part is most important: In these moments, we want to educate, not escalate. Truth be told, Rey is dealing with the voices of all the people who told him it wasn't worth it, and never lifted him up, and never told him his ideas were worth developing rather than being crushed, and WE ARE NOT going to contribute towards crushing someone else to lift ourselves up. Please remember this. 

And, if you get angry in these moments, you are human. That's real, your emotions are real, and be patient with yourself. 

So here is a framework for how you can speak to _________, whoever ______ is in your head: "Hey, I heard you saying "No" to my idea, and I hear that. Since I presented an idea, now you present one."

Effectively, what you are letting them know is you presented an idea, and if all they can bring to the table is a "No", that's not an idea, that's a hurdle or an obstacle. You are putting the ball in their court, and letting them know “Okay, well how are both going to move forward?” Then, pause.

Don’t fill the space. You will be inclined to keep speaking out of anxiety, or fear that you’ve created tension, or because you are just uncomfortable, and that is okay. 

Hit the “Pause” button. 

It is vital that you create this enviornment, and let people know that this is how you feel, because Rey might not know how I feel, and unless I articulate it, I am equally at fault. Equally. If I love you, I have to give you the opportunity to work with me on this. If we have love for each other, you'll work to fix this.

They might not even be aware, or even more so, they might think they are helping you out because they’ve been shut down so many times, they don’t want you to end up hurt like them. And honestly, I understand that feeling, so be thoughtful. 

So to Rey, and whoever your Rey is, it is worth it to try. Create a culture of “try” in your life that permeates amongst those around you, and feel empowered to let people know they need to push the boulder with you, rather than stand there and critique how you are pushing it. If Rey is going to critique you, then Rey needs to jump behind the boulder and show how they are building on the work that has already been done. 

As my boss Norm always says, “If you tell people they ‘can’t’, they ‘won’t’. If you tell people they ‘can’, they will.” 

Try speaking to your Rey, let me know how it goes, and, as always, #MoveForward.